The Scottish Football Rap
The West Coast press try their best
Not to stalk the Old Firm
But they’ve rarely been to Fir Park
Barely heard of St Mirren
Ref supervisor Willie Column
Is looking very solemn
He even pretends to be deaf
When he’s asked about the refs
Neil Doncaster is still the master
Of all that he surveys
Everybody wonders
What he actually does with his days
In Europe Scots clubs have been awful
Still their coaches spew out waffle
Their UEFA campaigns tend to last
Less time than the Glasgow fast
Rangers got rid of Russell Martin
Just a few weeks after startin’
Then they appointed Danny Rohl
He’s regained some control
Celtic have been in total confusion
Was their dominance total illusion
They brought in this unknown Nancy
Made the supporters distinctly antsy
After 33 dark days he was departin’
Went back again for dear old Martin
Killie and Livvy prop up the table
To get out of the basement will they be able ?
Dundee brought in Elvis as their coach
Early on the butt of fans’ reproach
His appointment provoked much debate
Green shoots have been appearing of late
Hearts are loving Derek Mackinnus
They’re thinking “the league he could win us”
With Tony Bloom and Jamestown Analytics
They could confound all their critics
Motherwell are fantastic, way hay hay
With their fluid passing style of play
Hibs are also pressing for top four
Its tight at the top, that’s for sure
United are inconsistent to say the least
Now a famine, then a feast
The Buddies wowed us with a league cup win
But since then successes have been thin
The Dons might have won the Scottish Cup
But the only way was down not up
Their fans were absolutely beelin’
Till they got rid of Jimmy Theelin
The Bairns have been the surprise packet
Many pundits thought they wouldn’t hack it
But they’ve been pushing for top six
From day one they’ve been in the mix
And as the World Cup draws ever nearer
Will we surprise the likes of Alan Shearer ?
Or will we again look out of place
……...watch this space
© Robin Grimmond 2026
